That’s right.

So taking your piano example. By wrapping an achievable and timebound objective around it, it becomes more real and that can increase the external motivation to do it.

But I’m thinking – what about the internal motiviation? i.e where within my “goal design” (nice phrase, that), is the reason for doing that thing.

So when it comes to your example.
Playing the concerto by new years eve. Why do I want to do it right?

I guess there could be many benefits to playing. Some might be
“to help me relax. open up my creative side. Be able to read music better. To motivate me to play more or perhaps start to learn to experiment and write more music”

If one of my values was to entertain others. I might get more out of my goal if I added for “40 of my friends”...So you’re right. The goal design must be related to higher level goal selection.

For that reason for every goal, I write a corresponding 2 line benefit statement that reminds me why the hell I’m doing it in the first place. If I can’t think of a good benefit statement, I revise the goal.

I used to be really goal-oriented. I’ve lost my discipline a little and need to re-create my next 90 day goal framework.

Do you use some sort of template to write your goals down? I have one. Be happy to share it with you if you’re interested?

Really interesting I like it “SMARTEST”. I use a 90 day framework to create goals and monitor it every 2 weeks or so. It keeps me focussed.

I gues the thing with goal setting is that people who are goal-oriented are usually more fulfilled than those that aren’t.

HOWEVER!! I am coming to the realisation, that setting and achieving goals isn’t enough. Lots of goal-oriented people will stay very busy through their lives but still somehow avoid happiness.

I think something needs to happen prior to goal setting. I don’t have a letter that fits into SMARTEST very well. But V for values is important for me.

We need to understand what we stand for and what our core values are and align our goals accordingly. I’m still working on mine. But I feel my goals will have the power to change, modify the course of my life if they are aligned with who I really am.

Good luck!! Stay in touch!

I don’t know why I feel compelled to write about this under the banner of being sensitive. But I think there’s a point to be made.

I was spending some time with my fiance last night.
And we somehow got into that high five game that kids (and adults) play.

You know the one.

Someone says: “Give me 5”..and you hit their hand.
Then they say “on the side”..
Then they say “down below” etc..

Well when we got to the “you’re too slow” bit, she removed her hand too quickly.
Now, normally my reaction would be to say

“Hey. Let me try again”.
Or say “but you moved your hand too fast”..
Or, say, “hey that’s not fair”.

What do these responses really say about a person. I think they say that:
“I am taking this little game seriously”. “I don’t like losing”.
...
And most importantly
“I don’t like looking like an idiot that can’t hit your hand in time”

Instead of shouting out something like the above i.e. something that would be a hyper sensitive response, instead, I said something else. Something that was uncconcious. And something that got the nicest reaction.

I said “Ohh noooo!!!!!” in a kid’s voice as I missed her hand on the way down.
And she loved it. Not because she observed that I wasn’t being sensitive. The example is too subtle.
But because it made me human. The response played along with the spirit of the game and made it more fun. I loved my response and so did she.

Its a tiny example that illustrates how, if we can modify our response to something, we can feel and appear more real and genuine to other people. I think being sensitive can be a good thing. But we need to choose when it is appropriate to be sensitive to a comment or situation and when it isn’t.
:-)

Hi doodle13 thanks.
I personally believe that sensitive people find it hard when challenged.

Hence they often prefer their own company to others, as that way they dont have to confront being criticised.

Also, by surrounding yourself to people who are “inferior” to you, you don’t have to face criticism, and hence your feelings of self worth are maintained or heightened.

I guess I’m coming a bit closer to understanding the causes and some of the symptoms. But I dont know yet, how to treat the problem of being over sensitive.

I’m male, 34, in a relationship. Engaged actually. And hyper-sensitive. To the point where I actually indulge in it.

I wonder whether people that are over sensitive also exhibit another group of behaviours. I’m not a psychologist or anything, but I think by understanding the condition better, it might help me deal with it better.

Here’s the behavioural grouping I was thinking about.

You like helping others.
You under value your own abilities and over elevate other people’s abilities
You have low self esteem.
You surround yourself mostly with people who in comparison aren’t as successful, or as good looking as you.
You prefer your own company to others.
You CONSTANTLY reject love from other people.

Can anyone else relate? I’d be interested to get feedback.

I spent a month travelling through Chile (Latin Am’s Super power) and then crossing through to the continent’s poorest country: Bolivia

My Spanish is pretty good, and it helped me get so much more out of my trip. I met some fantastic people on the way, and will write a blog about it soon. Amazing diversity.

Learn a bit of Spanish if you want to uncover the real S.America though. Bolivia is amazing.